why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
