chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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