I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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