I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
