i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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