you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
