FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
