paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
