I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just high enough for therapy.
Randomize
