Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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