Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
