highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
