Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
