I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
