I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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