i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
