grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
