and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize