But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
