paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
