Can i not drive my cunt home
Betty ford says i'm here all night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
