I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
