she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
