Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
