I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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