Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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