drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
