I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
