Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
