I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
