I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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