I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
