I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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