I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
