Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
