; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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