Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize