they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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