Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
