can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
