today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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