i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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