Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
