3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
