The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
