Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
