I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
