Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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