I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The air taste purple.
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