She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
