We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
