I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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