just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
