The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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