idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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