im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
