Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
