my phone needs a breathalizer
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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