too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize