I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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