I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
