never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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