I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
