It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
