somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
