yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
