8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
