Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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