doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
